Journal I wrote last night:

Why is it that I never know what to say? Am I too afraid to recognize my own fears? Do I really just have nothing of importance to say? Life is life. I know nothing of it yet I'm expecting myself to understand every hurdle that comes my way and how to best jump over it. Do I ignore it and take the easy way out (what is the easy way?) or do I run through it and meet my fears straight on? It seems like such an easy question to answer: go for it and take a chance, another one among many I have already taken. But what is this chance I'm about to take? There are five ways to run into this hurdle and which am I supposed to leap toward?
Live life as you've always dreamed. What if I'm dreaming of five different lives? What then? Live for yourself they say but life with youself isn't worth living if the ones you love aren't happy as well. I'm at my life's crossroad and though its always been so easy for me to decide before, I'm at a complete loss with what to do with myself. Take the immediate left and I'll be happy. Take the far right turn and I'll be just as happy. But there's one thing I can't leave behind. That I could never be happy without because my life could never be the same again. And though I know what I must do, the battle is ever fierce and without me here will never be completed. And so the question remains: why is it that I never know what to say? Or am I just too afraid to hear the reply?