Thankfulness

Beamlak was busy cleaning her room this afternoon. I went upstairs to put her down for her nap that we had agreed upon because we were out late for a birthday party last night. She leads me into her room and says, "Look mom!" And above was what I saw! It was so precious. I told her just how much I love her as well and asked how she knew how to write that sentence, her immediate reply was, "I sound it out Mom!" All the more impressive!

This is just one of many reasons why I am so thankful today!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Children's Museum Adventure

Beamlak, Auntie Gelato (aka Krissy) and I visited the Children's Museum on Sunday after a great lunch at Fasika - just a few photos to share :)

Yay! for funny turtle faces

Krissy - looking a little too YoGabbaGabba happy-ish ;)

Practicing the fine art of Yoga while working hard. WAY past YoGabbaGabba happiness!

Assembling the ingredients for an awesome Tibs and Tamati and Ruse dinner :)

The preparations... it tasted wonderful!

"Mom, I'm trying to do something, why you taking my picture." Okay so she didn't say that but I know that's what she was thinking.

I loved that you had the option to actually paint your own face at the Museum so we decided on the "true" Ethiopian Flag :)

Girls and their silliness - never enough silliness with Krissy :) Never a dull moment!

Just a Few Photos

From our bed time routine...
Showing all the pearly whites (that aren't missing) :)
Wow!!!

Not so sure about this photo thing...
Well, if you insist :) This may be my new favorite photo!

Survivorship Award

Tah Dah! I win! Today I had a serious "Case of the Mondays." Today was a day I simply made it through - going through the motions more or less. I had nothing else to give.

Bed at 12:30 ish?
Woke at 5am to get on the road
Wake Beamlak at 5:45 am for the road trip to Minneapolis
Drive 2 1/2 hours
One hour work meeting - very exciting actually but I was too stunned and out of it to celebrate (I'm going to Colombia?! in three weeks???!!!)
1/2 hour POINTLESS post placement meeting
Lunch with colleagues
Return drive home with a stop at McDonalds so B could play a little
20 minutes nap
Grandma's Bday party
Beamlak's swim lesson
Beamlak finally in bed at 8:30pm

Seriously - today was a tiring day for me - perhaps I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed :)

I think what made it so exhausting was that the reason for the trip (post placement visit for B) was truly more disappointing that I had even anticipated. (Those who have adopted will understand), I do not get how a social worker can make it the the entire visit without asking a single question? Seriously! I just ended up spewing out a summary because I would honestly just sit there and wait for her to ask a question and she simply WOULD NOT! Instead she was captivated by Beamlak playing with the toys and repeating, "She just looks like she's doing so well." Well, YEAH! She's alive, you can tell that, congrats! Yep she can speak English and likes to play. Is that all that you were planning on putting in the report? Seriously!! I knew that it would be a joke seeing that the same worker had completed my home study and first post placement visit, but this was truly unbelievable.

The only good that came of it is that they are forwarding the report directly to Gladney with photos for Beamlak's Ethiopian mom and her friends (and the Director) at Kechene. That's about it. I sadly let this appointment dominate my day. That's it. I'm going to try and read a good book and go to bed before midnight :) Goodnight!

Disclaimer: the only reason I used this agency is because I also work as an Intl Adoption Coordinator for a LSSMN (thus couldn't have my colleagues complete my adoption) and I couldn't work with another reputable MN agency because they had an Ethiopia program and I would have had to use them as a placing agency which was impossible because they didn't work with Kechene.

Difficulty Posting?

Continuation from last night...

It's true you guessed it - I have difficulty posting every day. I've had difficulty posting even once a month so a daily obligation has been an eye opener! It surely isn't because I don't think there are things worth posting about - there are more than ever. I have difficulty having conversations about everyday things in person let alone on a blog. In order for me to blog, I need to feel that there is something important to say. Something that I need to release. A lot has happened in the last 6 months that I would consider IMPORTANT and certainly worth sharing and releasing, but I've sat at this computer many a times unable to adequately put into words and type what it is I want to share. I realize that my words will never be perfect but I think I am finally able to verbalize (if this is understood that is) that all these important, beautiful, frustrating, enlightening, awe striking and routine experiences are intrinsically connected to raw emotions that still affect my daily life - past experiences that shape daily experiences. It's a difficult place to get to - to voluntarily re-insert myself in a life, a day, a vision, a memory that truly isn't one because it lives with me everyday. This often simply leads to frustration in the incapacity of oneself (myself) to take that step that I always want (realize is necessary) to take - to make a (what often seems to be impossible) change in one's life. When I look back on a situation that should not have been what it was 3 years ago when I visited and yet still is 3 years later.
This is when my thoughts begin to jumble even more because there are so many circumstances (lives) that could be changed with (what appears to be) so little. I look back and though there is a lot of beauty, the frustration often takes charge of every rational cell in my body.
The lives of so many continue to be shaped and changed daily. The images that I see are beautiful. Then I am continually overcome by those whose circumstances have remained the same - deteriorated further into an abyss that no one can rationally calculate due to the sheer magnitude it encompasses.
The last six months have served as a sort of rehab - a sabbatical from my intellectual (highly introverted) activism that I don't know I'm ready to come out of just yet. I feel like I'm finally moving in a positive direction toward the person (and professional) that I want to become. The person that I know has the strength to make the change within to direct change that will make an impact. An impact, that, in the end, I can be proud to be a part of. I'm not there yet. But I'm certainly on my way.

Ethiopia - 3 years?!

Beautiful children outside a restaurant near the Posta Bait somewhere between the Ambassador and Sheraton

Street/Vulnerable children awaiting their first of two meals provided by Hope Enterprises on Church Hill

Just to the right of the photo above was this beautiful little girl taking in the chaos outside her walls. Unlike most kids who either come dashing toward you or run away giggling this little girl just stood

I love this picture, it was taken inside the feeding shelter while the children were waiting for their turn to get their meals

Eyerus and I. This little darling dared not leave my side at the shelter. This is one of many faces I will never forget. It's amazing how one little face can begin a powerful change within -how much you can learn from a preschooler while she's just going through her day. Did I change her life? Absolutely not. She certainly changed mine.

Children in line for their meal

Just taking in the kids and soaking up their love. I served as entertainment. Little Eyerus - right there on my lap.

The two youngest boys of a child-headed household. They are in magnificent shape compared to their caretakers - their two older brothers 10 and 11 years old. The four of them are below.

My first visit to Kibebetsehay - I love that little guy's mischievous smile :)
Darlings also at Kibebetsehay

First visit to Kechene, first photo I took of my daughter. I didn't get to meet her that day. I didn't get to meet any of the kids at Kechene my first visit. It certainly is amazing how often I look back at this photo though.

I do promise (sincerely) I will follow up with this tomorrow.

The photos above are of my first trip to Ethiopia in August 2006. I'm in awe that it has only been 3 years that I lived my life with Ethiopia playing such a central role in my life. And yet in shock that it has already been 3 years since I took my first photo of my daughter.

This life that I have has been blessed - in a way that I cannot fully understand at present. It's an amazing life.

Wordless Wednesday

I was SO excited to post the pictures here and then realized that the photos are on my work computer :( I'll make up for the post tomorrow. This daily blogging is intense ;)

Day 3 and Struggling

I was just about to make my way up to bed when I remembered - I must post!

Again, I keep trying to sort my thoughts and I'm hoping that they come together soon. But for now I will only post my Favorite Beamlak Moments of the Day:

As I was dressing for work this morning I put on a purple tank top and Beamlak creeps out of bed and looks at me, "Mom you pretty today, I going to wear my purple shirt. We match!"

and then as I was just putting on my grey PJs to watch some (what I consider freaky) YoGabbaGabba B comes in the room and darts back into hers, "I going to wear my tights too, we match!" (Referring to her gray tights)

What I was hoping to post was a response to this blog post - but for some reason or another my body is begging to sleep tonight. I'm hoping to tackle it tomorrow. I enjoy, understand, and am also frustrated by the reality and limitations of the post but it certainly did catch my attention and allowed me to regain some insight into my life experiences and will be a good post to revisit as the months and years past.

Goodnight!

Too Many Ideas!

So I'm a bit stupefied :) I was actually trying to plan this post - I was trying to decide what I would write about. I've found that actually trying to plan a post in advance after not posting for about 5-6 months is not one of my better ideas. Too many things come to mind that I want to share - I seriously think that if I sat down with a pen right now I would be able to plan something for each day of the month and I may fill up December as well.

So I have decided to keep it simple - just today. Today was a busy day but it was fun and exciting as well. Beamlak got her first school pictures back! They are TOO cute by the way and no I don't have a scanner at my home at the moment so I haven't been able to upload it. But I'm hoping to do it at work tomorrow. She's quite adorable. I asked her on the way home today what they looked like because I was EXCITED to see them. "They okay" (with a little Ethiopian shoulder shrug). I follow up by asking if her eyes were closed in the picture and she looks right at me, "Yeah, I sleeping" (by now she couldn't hold in the grin). Little stinker! I love them!

She also had her first swim lesson - she just couldn't get to the pool fast enough tonight! She dashed to her locker, ran to the shower, and tried to sprint down the slippery steps to the pool. She had SO much fun!

She was placed in the introductory class for children 6+ with little to no swimming experience. Of course she had lots of swim time at the cabin this summer but it was always with a life jacket on - so I thought it would be best. Well she swam past all the other little swimmers immediately - it was quite cute really. They were instructed to kick across the length of the pool and within 2 seconds she was already turning back to check where everyone was - making sure she was the fastest in her group. She's a little competitive - like mother like daughter :) Any time another kiddo got anywhere close to finishing at the same time she powered up and tried to sprint as fast as she could. That's my girl! ;)

Favorite Beamlak Moments of the Day:

She woke up this morning, got dressed, and started "reading" a book, I looked at her and asked, "Are you just going to hang up here for a little while?" "Yeah," was her matter of fact reply. This is a girl who doesn't like to be alone at all in the morning and is ALWAYS in the same room with me. Great! She's getting a little more confident each day :)

Beamlak searching on my iPhone for Train's, Hey Soul Sister in the car on the way to the bus stop. Never too early for a dance party!

Little B: Mom, the lights, the color of Ethiopia. (In reference to the color of stoplights)
Me: You're right! That's cool! Go Ethiopia!
Little B: Yeah! Go Ethiopia! Cool.

6 months?!

OK, so I just counted on my fingers the number of months Beamlak and I have been home - I cannot believe that 6 months have flown by so fast. That's 6 months of being home! Not just 6 months since reunification - 6 months in the US. I seriously am in shock. Quite honestly it makes me feel horrible that I have not kept a journal of all the amazing experiences that we have had together in the last 6 months and 17 days we've been an official and united family.
Ironically, today is exactly 6 months since we arrived in the US. Today - the day that I finally decided to suck it up and join the November blog once-a-day thing called NoBloPoMo. The mission - to blog ONCE A DAY! I can do this. I need to do something to jump start my blogging (aka journaling). I have missed so much in not recording these first 6 months, in the capacity that I intended to, so here it goes. I'm sure most days will be boring to readers - if there are any :) but I will press on...

About my incomprehensibly beautiful daughter: I am still really at a loss for words in describing how much she has brought to my life. She continues to amaze me with her sincerely, beautiful, optimism; her conviction in right and wrong; her infectious understanding and wit; and her - simply her. She is simply amazing. There is no less corny way to put it :)

But on a more objective note. An update on Beamlak - she continues to do extremely well at pretty much everything she does ;) She LOVES school and has a tight group of 4 friends that she spends most of her time with. She continues to be a helper in class and continues to work hard. In the beginning of the year she was catching on quickly with spelling but she has begun to show some difficulty with it lately. She's really great while practicing at home with me and having fun while doing so, but she continues to have difficulty during her spelling tests. But no worries - if she continues to tackle this as she has with everything else she will catch up quite quickly. As all who know her, including her teachers, once she picks something up she runs with it! I'm also looking at what may have caused her to go backwards a little and it seems that it began exactly the same time that she began her Amharic lessons which due to scheduling difficulty are on Thursday nights and the spelling tests are on Friday. But she is LOVING her Ethiopian mentor/tutor!

While we're on the topic - her Amharic! When we first got home we were having a lot of scheduling difficulties with finding a tutor - mostly because most of the Ethio-American students are from the Twin Cities (2 1/2 hours away) and it was the summer. But once school started up again we were able to get into a set schedule - Thursdays from 5-7 pm. I was so afraid that though she could still understand everything in Amharic - we listen to music, videos, watch a school program, etc, she began not being able to communicate in it. She would be surprised that I knew words in Amharic and she no longer could think of it spontaneously. We regularly turned English books into Amharic "object" books, and there were days when she couldn't think of colors (even her favorite color, GREEN!) in Amharic. I thought my fear had been realized when, after her first lesson, Beamlak didn't speak any Amharic to her. However! by the second week's lesson she began to remember more and more and by the third she spoke almost the entire 2 hours in Amharic! I was BEYOND ecstatic! It's working! All the time spent listening to Amharic and making sure it was in the background of conversations and having her listen to it going to sleep paid off :) I'm SO excited for her and she's having a lot of fun with it. The only "requirement" for the lesson is that they spend the time communicating in Amharic. They can do anything while doing so, playing at the playground, cooking, reading stories, it doesn't matter, they just spend time talking. In a few years, it is my hope that she will begin to learn the Fidel but certainly not until she can be confident in English. I'm just SO happy! Yippie!

I suppose - I could now write forever, but then that would mean I would have 30 days to fill with nonsense :) I'll finish up for now with just a few...

Current Beamlak favorites:
Her little kisses in the morning as she crawls into bed to say, "good morning" and BIG kisses I get at bedtime
The kisses she never forgets as she's "running" out of the car to catch the bus
Her confidence in our daily routines
The way she still jumps into my arms when we're on our way upstairs for bedtime
How she will ask every night how many books we get to read tonight and be disappointed the one night a week it is only 1
quote: "Mom, tickl-ish me!"
quote: "Mom! You tickl-ish me!!"
quote: "Mom! tickl-ish me okay?"
I hope she always says it this way, I just can't bring myself to help her out with this one :)

6 months today...wow... amazing!