Hmm...There is so much to tell but I have absolutely no place to start. I suppose that I can start with how I'm feeling...I don't feel human. I feel ashamed walking the streets wearing clean clothes, shoes, and money in my purse; while sitting in the local cafe ordering a three course meal that costs only $4; and while sitting here in my 'plush' guest house while 150,000 street children are filling the alleyways trying to find a place to sleep for the night. I feel ashamed to be an expat. I have been told on many occasions by fellow expats to 'ignore the street children,' 'don't make eye contact with them because they'll assume you're interested,' 'don't say hello to anyone on the street,' 'Don't give one something because then they'll all be after you.' Tragically enough I have begun to heed their advice, ignoring the children walking in the streets, sleeping in the road wearing nothing but a ragged, stained sweater that used to be gold colored and blue pants cut off at the knees. Yes, I'm here to help children I proclaim; while doing so in my cozy office with coffee and tea service researching the history of children's rights when hundreds of thousands of orphans in Addis Ababa are screaming out for help. Help right now! Not tomorrow, not next week, and definitely not 5 years from now when the policies implemented by the government 10 years ago show any sign of aiding the current situation.

I always thought that by simply living in Addis I would feel much more content, only because I would be here with the children. The children that are dying everyday. However, my days are filled with meeting Embassy Ambassadors, Directors of Ministries, Country Representatives and UNICEF Communications Officers, and the list goes on and on and on. I continue to repeat 'Our Mission is...,' 'Our global initiative focuses on...,' 'We are partnering with....' And yes I am well aware of the fact that this is a necessary and crucial task for our organization as it is based on relationships and collaboration of NGO's, governments, and universities, it's just not me. I'm not the 'selling' type. I'm the go with your heart type that wants to help all of the orphaned and abandoned children, not categorize them on the basis of whether or not they where sandals-yes, I have now begun to help only children without shoes as I believe they are more poor than those who can afford to buy 20 cent sandals. Yeah...I feel a bit pathetic and cold-hearted as I would not survive a day in any of their shoes.

I went through my pictures today. I have taken only about 200 pictures, mostly of children of course. However, I have not taken any in several days. I don't know why. Perhaps I've become a bit immune to the crisis here. I don't know. It seems that taking a picture of anything but children in their everyday lives is not worth the photograph. Who knows....?

On a more lighter note, I walked Bole Rd to get some dinner tonight-I ended up choosing the New York Cafe. Yes, I know it's lame. Anyway for the first time I noticed that I had entered a generation I have never experienced- the 50's. As I walked the streets I finally took in the billboards, advertising, and polluted vehicles puttering through the streets. On many of the advertisements you'll find a Caucasian woman enlightened by the cleaning solution in her left hand. I figure they simply imported our billboards from that era and plastered them along the streets of Addis as I have seen only about 10 Caucasian people walking the streets during the 9 days I have been here. I have seen them sipping lattes at the Hilton, parading the halls of the Sheraton, and also in over-sized SUVs with a huge UN logo on the side, but not in the streets.

As I sit here at my computer my brain is flashing images of children. For now my mission and vision will have to survive within myself. I am a hopeless idealist.