Hello Sweetheart,

Are you sleeping peacefully? Dreaming of tomorrow? Perhaps of jumping rope with your best friends? The only friends you’ve ever had. I’m awake and I guess it’s about 2 am. I’m sleepless as I’ve been for the last 7 months. What I’m thinking of is what I’m always thinking of before I fall asleep…are you dreaming…what time did you go to bed...did someone tell you she loved you as she tucked you into your crib - crib that is much too small for you Did she read to you? Did you fall asleep easily? What were your last thoughts before drifting into Neverland? Have you thought of me today? Do you need me as much as I need you? These are all questions I’m begging for answers.

What is there not to say? I love you and I wish I could take you home forever at this moment…Well several moments ago…What seems like an eternity. What is it you dream of? I’ll try my best to provide it for you. What is it you’re afraid of…I’ll keep it away. What comforts you…I’ll lovingly hand it over to you. Your fears are mine and though I wish I could shatter them, pick them up and lock them into a faraway place I know that reality will not provide me with this opportunity. I’m longing for your arms to be wrapped around me once more. For you to run into my arms once again as though we’ve parted for millennia. For your head to rest peacefully into my neck as though there’s no one who gives you more comfort.

I have several hours before I can visit. How I wish I could arrive now and watch you sleep. Would you twitch as I move your hair from you face? Would you smile as you dream? Perhaps toss and turn in your crib in your clothes you’ll be wearing for days more and the shoes no one bothered to take off?

How I wish and hope that I can comfort you from your fears but for all I know I am destroying all you’ve ever known and it breaks me that I’ve caused you pain even unintentionally and with the best of intentions. I want you to soar. You deserve the whitest, widest wings in the skies.

I’ll be content here the rest of the night through as long as I know you’re safe, loved, and taken care of. I’ll try my best to smile for you and show the reflection in your eyes of complete and utter contentment. Peace. I will for you. You are my everything and for you I’d try anything. I love you and I’ll see you soon if not in my dreams then in the hours to come. And I’ll look forward to you running in from no where into my arms, asking to be held tightly, no end needs to be spoken of. That’s it. That’s all.

Finished 2:12 am.

“I am torn to do what I have to”