(just boarded the plane to leave for Addis from Duluth)

Why is it that every time I've gotten on a plane in the last 8 months it's with the intent of going home? It doesn't matter my destination, it could be Duluth or it could be departing from Duluth. I just want to be home. But where is 'home?' They say 'home is where the heart is' but what happens when your heart has broken in two and no longer feels whole anywhere? Part of my heart lies within the children I have grown to love in Ethiopia while the other half can be found in the house that I've left today.

Yet again I've considered walking out of the airport and calling a cab to take me home. I don't want to return to Ethiopia to leave my 'life' behind. Though I'm also longing to return to Kechene to hold the children, play on the swing set, read them books in English, bring them to the zoo, pick them up from their beds after their afternoon naps, feed them, cry for the ones who have left while celebrating their new lives with families who have impatiently waited for their children.

I look forward to everything and yet nothing at all. I miss everyone and no one at the same time. So which direction is that pointing me?