Update from Ryan (Gladney)

I love how just two sentences and a picture can enlighten my day! Gosh, just seeing that little face makes everything so worth it - now if I could only bring her home forever - TODAY!

From Jessica my Adoption Worker at Gladney:

Hi Bettina,

I received this update from Ryan today. Enjoy!!

“Beamluk is as cute as ever. She smiles every time I mention Bettina, and has enjoyed the letters from her. I see her every Friday when I visit the orphanages, and she continues to be one of my favorite kiddos.” --Ryan

Big News!

Okay, some may kill me here but it's not about my adoption :) Unfortunately. However, while I've been impatiently waiting to bring Beamluk home I've been doing A LOT of work!! My job is to develop programs for orphaned and vulnerable children in Africa - from Duluth, MN. Yes, amazing isn't it :) While it's not as satisfying as working and living there, I'm very blessed to be able to do the work that I do from Duluth, MN while I wait to bring my princess home.

So the big news???? Lutheran Social Service of MN is now recruiting families for children in need of homes from GHANA! That's right! GHANA! And my first program is finally up and running! I can't tell you just how amazing and frustrating this ride has been! But let me sum it up for you :)

I began working for Lutheran Social Service of MN in July of last year - to begin a new program in Ethiopia for orphaned and vulnerable children. However, just as we had all our materials ready for the government's approval - the government stopped accepting new adoption related NGO applications. It was thought that the wait wouldn't be very long, however, still now, the suspension is being upheld. This program would have allowed me to return to Ethiopia often and perhaps even give me the opportunity to live there until the adoption process was complete. But it wasn't meant to be - for some reason - that I still cannot understand. Mostly, this wait has been so difficult because I truly didn't believe I would be here (in the US) that long. But boy was I wrong.

While Ethiopia has been at a standstill I've been working tirelessly to get other programs started in African countries as this is where my passion and strengths are and luckily my Director understands this. Well FINALLY Ghana has begun! What does this mean? I get to finally return to the continent - and perhaps even to Ethiopia depending on long the wait looks like it is going to be (so if anyone has extra Sheba miles that they won't be using (Ethiopian Air) please let me know and I'd be more than grateful to use them up to visit Beamluk and the rest of the Kechene clan)!

I couldn't be more excited about the possibility of finding homes for Ghanaian children and also supporting programs in anti-trafficking and maternal and child health! I'll have to explain more later :)

But anyway, we are looking for families for our Ghana Pilot Program! So please, spread the word! We'll be updating our severely outdated website soon to reflect this amazing development!

Children in need of families:
Children 2 years and older, with many sibling groups needing to be placed together

Parent requirements:
Ghanaian law requires that parents are married (for no specified length of time); are between the ages of 25-50 and at least 21 years older than the child/ren they are adopting; Ghana has extremely flexible requirements (except the marriage requirement which may be possible in the future but we're remaining cautious as the Head of the Department is not currently in support of adoptions by single parents) :(

If you are truly interested in learning more about this program please just let me know and I can forward you the details :)

And a sigh of relief... even though the work is truly just beginning!

Oh and the estimated date of travel: mid October!!!! Perhaps adding detours to Ethiopia and another country that is making progress in developing programs!

Pictures!

Look at how big my little girl is!!!

I'm so grateful to Travis and Maureen who made these photos possible. Travis is a Gladney representative and though Kechene does not allow photos he was able to get Beamluk into a room and let Maureen (a traveling Gladney family) take photos of her!

Next month makes one year since I've seen Beamluk... thankfully the process is nearly its end!

A Smiling Beamluk!

Stop right there!!!! :)



Okay, I'll show off my new smile for you all to see :)

That's right, my little girl still has that amazing smile. It has been so long since I've seen it. I can't tell you just how much this lifts me up to see!!!!!!

Thank you Ellie for sending me these beautiful photos!

Small Steps

I spoke with my friend and assistant today in Addis and he received a call from Maeza at Kechene! Beamluk has been taken for her check ups! I was so happy to hear about this small step forward - I know it seems tiny but with all that has happened recently with the adoption this is HUGE for us!

My dossier has been in Ethiopia since the end of June or the very beginning of July. I have yet to receive her referral - which is extremely frustrating seeing that this has been in process since July of last year when the first steps were completed to investigate whether or not she was a legal orphan (Beamluk's file was nearly empty when I first contacted the director of the orphanage even though she has lived there since she was 2 months old). Until the medical checks, everything that had taken place in Ethiopia for Beamluk was investigated by either me or my friend so it seems as though the agency is finally getting the ball rolling. I still have no idea when I'll receive my referral but I'm hoping to get in contact with another in country staff member next week that I know well.

Some not so great news is that Beamluk will not be admitted into Gladney foster care. I started this battle before I left Ethiopia in October 2007 - to push for her acceptance into their care which provides a safe, loving environment for the children including a private school education and field trips. Let's just say, I thought I had finally won the battle last week, but the Director of the orphanage has changed his mind yet again that she will need to stay at the orphanage until I arrive in country. Somehow I am remaining optimist that the process is finally nearing it's end and I'm just trying to keep my spirits up!

I'm also busy trying to re-prepare myself to finally become a mommy! When this journey first began I researched for hours on end trying to prepare myself to be the best mommy I could be - a first time parent to a then 5 year old little princess. I eventually had to set this aside for sanity's sake. It was something that I couldn't think about on a regular basis - day by day and month by month - I needed to continue to try and live my life and complete the official process. I thought and continue to think about her constantly but I have guarded my heart due to continued disappoint in the process and constant frustration that she is in Ethiopia and I am in Minnesota.

I'm slowing coming to terms that she is now nearly 7 years old and I'm grieving the losses of missed years (before we met) and months away from her since we first met - it is all a process. But it feels like I'm moving forward. I'm revisiting the bookstores and reading up on parenting school age children, institutionalized children, traumatized children who have experienced great loss in their life, and the list continues. It's becoming more real again every day that an end is possible - it still is unknown how all the cards may be dealt, but the end of this process is FINALLY nearing and regardless of the outcome I'm going to be there for my daughter.

Below are photos that I received earlier this week from Rachael who was finally united with her daughter, Amira!! Congratulations!!

P.S. I told Rachael I was concerned that she had lost that hopefulness she had always possessed as there were no real smiles in any of the photos but Rachael assured me that after a few minutes Beamluk remembered who she was (she volunteered in October 2007) and she was back to her normal joyful self :)

Advice for Serenity?

Emotions… thoughts… thoughts… and more thoughts and emotions. What happens when all you can think about is how badly you need to cry? Somehow you know that you haven’t allowed the emotion to enter into your thoughts that have been overwhelming your entire being - the thoughts are there and they are complete and all encompassing and yet you haven’t given them the time, digestion and perhaps validity they deserve and therefore they continue to circle around you and it feels as though you can go no where. That’s where I am. I suppose I should say that’s where I have been for quite some time.

That searching… where does that come from? It’s not enough for me to think and feel constantly because there is this huge barrier that has been consistent in my life that defends my soul from feeling too much. It is a part of myself that I believe allowed me to distance myself away from the constant tragedies unfolding in Ethiopia – to actually be able to function when people were alive one day and gone the next. Or a child would disappear suddenly and never return from that side of the street you walked to work on every day. The “where did they go’s” don’t stop, they’re always there, but they become more internalized every day as you’re informed it’s “just life” and “TIA,” This Is Africa.

Is the battle within me or is it for a cause? Perhaps that’s a dangerously loaded question. Since coming home I find it very difficult to have every day conversations without somehow thinking of Ethiopia… somehow relating to children in Ethiopia… or at Kechene specifically. Conversations not about Ethiopia and its children often times to me feel useless… unnecessary… and sometimes depending on the topic – just outright disgusting (particularly when related to our capitalist and “what more can we want and have” society). I guess that because Ethiopia’s children are constantly on my mind (yes, constantly no matter what I am doing) I’m wondering when everyone else is going to get on board… get on board to a cause to protect the most vulnerable population on this planet, no matter their location, special need, age, situation….

I don’t know… it seems like I can literally write a book everyday of the conversations in my head about Ethiopian children, children’s rights, orphaned children, alternative care strategies for orphaned children….What will it take to find peace within my thoughts? I suppose within myself? What is it I must do to feel as though it’s okay to let go? Not forever, but for enough time for me to focus on my life and where I must go from here.

DISCLAIMER: Though some days are tougher than others, I do enjoy and like having conversations about everyday life, please do not take offense :)

A few laughs and a big smile

This video is linked to Jocelyn's blog (L.A.) and it made her son who is recovering from back surgery to correct his spine smile which was a huge breakthrough for them after this extremely intensive surgery and recovery time. If it can make him smile, it will make you smile and probably laugh out lot a few times just because :)